baby blues
by tombombadillo
Summary: She really loved her and Alexis' not-quite-but-nearly mother/daughter ice cream evenings.


**For Nen and for Ris, so I can fix their poor little broken hearts. (sorry)**

**Disclaimer: There's a lone tub of Phish Food in the freezer in the shop and I'm having to physically stop myself from going to buy it.**

* * *

"Mmmmmmmm. Oh god. Oh that's - oh fuck that's good," Kate exclaimed, moaning with delight into her chocolate sundae. She really loved her and Alexis' not-quite-but-nearly mother/daughter ice cream evenings. However, she loved Alexis's wide-eyed and shocked face that gazed back at her across the table more. "What? I really love ice cream. And this, this is good ice cream. If there's one benefit to your father being a millionaire... it's decent ice cream."

Alexis laughed, digging her own spoon into her bowl. "I guess that's one of the pro's."

"So, how's the last year of college?"

"Oh... you know... busy. What with extra-curricular and all the essays... but I'm coping. I'm on top of things."

Kate smirked, licking a drop of ice cream from her finger. "And what about Adam? You on top of him?"

Alexis coughed, her cheeks flushing. "_Kate."_

"Oh, come on, Alexis. You're an adult, in college, in a probably serious relationship. You honestly telling me that you've never had the urge to have a little fun?"

"Dad doesn't know... does he?"

"Whether Castle knows it or not... I think he's going to go to the grave believing that you are still the innocent teenager you were five years ago. Regardless of marriage and kids and whatever."

Alexis looked down into her bowl, poking at the slightly melted dessert with her spoon. Kate could see she was working over something, dug her own spoon into her bowl and waited it out. Alexis would talk, eventually. They had their own system. Shove Castle out of the loft for the evening, break out the ice cream. Sometimes there was a movie involved. Sometimes they'd just sit at the table and talk about anything relevent. Serious or not. "Kate?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you ever h-had a pregnancy scare?"

This time it was Kate's turn to choke on her ice cream. "Is this you asking out of general curiosity, or because you need advice?"

"I... don't know. I mean, we've always been careful, but... I just... you know when you have a feeling? I'm reasonably sure I'm not... but I just... I feel different."

"When I was seventeen, I met a guy called Cory, and I wasn't exactly the perfect teenager. Far from it. Oh, he must have been at least twenty five, and I... I wasn't smitten, exactly. More... in lust, maybe."

"Was he your first?"

"No. Third, maybe. God, I was so... it was bad. But we went to a party together, and I was _horrendously_ drunk. We locked ourselves in the bathroom, and after that he left me throwing up in the toilet. I was so stressed and worried and angry at myself that I completely skipped a period, which just made me stress more. I honestly thought I was pregnant. In the end Maddie shoved a pregnancy test in my face and told me to stop being so dramatic. After that little mishap I lost my wild ways. At least until I hit college."

"Does dad know about your wicked ways?"

"He's tried to get them out of me. Torture, charm, wheedle. He's yet to succeed."

"You ever going to tell him?"

"And give him ammo to use against me? I don't think so."

"What if I am?"

"Then we'll deal with it."

"But Dad-"

"Is more understanding than you give him credit for. He's not going to disown you. And if he does then I'm going to have to talk some sense into him. It's not the end of the world, Alexis. Look, if you want I'll run down to the store tomorrow and get you a test."

"Are you sure? I mean what if there are journalists around? It'll be all over the newspapers, and I know that you hate being in the newspapers when it comes to you and dad."

"I'd rather me than you. And I've had worse from paparazzi, you know that."

* * *

In the end, she takes Lanie with her. It's not that she is worried by cameras and paparazzi and fans (she's not), she just doesn't want to run the risk of it being all over the tabloids the next day. Of course, that just means she's bombarded with questions about when her and Castle are going to re-produce and/or tie the knot. She chooses to ignore her friend, instead pushes her down the aisle towards the pregnancy tests.

"I'm serious, Kate. You ever going to have a baby?"

"We haven't talked about it. Or marriage, so quit asking."

"You should. It's been three years. We're all surprised that he hasn't put a ring on your finger yet."

"Nice to know you're still keeping tabs on us at the precinct." Kate laughed, eyeing the shelves with narrowed eyes.

"We see you practically every day of every week. Keeping tabs on you is nothing to do with it. Why use the tabloids for gossip when we can just ask you? So much easier. And more likely to get the truth."

"Lanie, if he ever proposes you'll be the first to know."

"What about kids?"

"No, that's for Dad. Sorry."

"I best be second."

"Yes. Fine."

"And I've got dibs on Maid of Honour."

"Lanie-"

Lanie pointed a threatening finger at Kate. "Maid of Honour, or I swear-"

"Fine!" Kate shook her head, but couldn't help grinning. "I'd ask you anyway."

"Good. Now hurry up so we can get out of here."

* * *

She's jittery in the lift up to the loft. The paper bag is clutched in her hand, her other shoved in her jacket pocket so it'll stop shaking. She did mean what she said to Alexis. If the worst comes to the worst then she'll be there through everything. And if Adam wants nothing to do with it, then so be it. Alexis doesn't need him. She's got Kate, and she's got Castle. They'll manage. They've coped with worse. She pushes open the front door carefully, trying not to draw attention to herself arriving. She thought she'd gotten away with it until Castle came barreling around the corner, arms either side of her against the door (which bought back many a memory). "What's in the bag, Kate?"

"Nothing you need to know about." she replied, ducking under his arm. She couldn't help but run her fingers across the front of his shirt though, felt him shiver through the cotton.

Apparently, he wasn't going to let her go that easily, had swung himself around to loop a hand around her waist, pulling her back until her back was flush with his chest. She clamped down on the urge to wiggle her hips. "But I need to know."

"No. No, you don't."

"But I do." he whined, propping his chin on her shoulder. "Very much need to know."

He reached out for it with one hand but Kate held it away from her, out if his arm's reach. "Not going to happen, Castle."

"What if I ask very, very nicely." he murmured in her ear, fingers drifting down to the hem of her jacket.

"It's going to get you nowhere."

"It'll get me somewhere. Not necessarily the bag, but maybe the bed. Or the shower. Haven't done the desk in a while."

"Right, well I'll leave you to do the desk, as you so charmingly put it and I'm going to get something to eat."

He whined in her ear as she pulled away, but she couldn't help turning around again, leaning against him. "Maybe I'll help you write another page 105 later. If you're good." She pressed a kiss to his cheek, could feel his answering grin and couldn't help but grin back. All too late she realised it had all been just a distraction, felt his arm loop around her waist again, turned her around until she felt the wall at her back, his hips against hers, effectively pinning her. "Castle, trust me, you're not going to want to look in the bag." Kate sighs uselessly, even as she feels him pluck it out of her hand. "You're really, really not."

She feels it the moment he opens the bag. His breath hitches, his hips press even harder into hers. She could lie to him. She could tell him it's for her, she's just making sure... she could let him get his hopes up. Or she could tell him the truth. Like they promised all those nights ago. Nothing but the facts. No lies, no half-truths.

"Kate..." he breathes, and she can feel his breath ghosting her cheek.

"It's... it's not for me." she replies, eyes closed, trying to force oxygen into her lungs. "I'm not... it's Alexis. She's..."

"Tell me she's not, Kate. Tell me she's not."

"No, no she doesn't think she is. She just... feels different." She sighs, pushes Castle away until he's at arm's length. "Which doesn't mean she's pregnant. She says she's been careful, and you know Alexis. She's more sensible than both of us put together."

"Accidents happen! She's twenty two, Kate. She can't- she's not." he pushes away from her, runs a hand through his hair, pacing back and forth in front of her. Kate crosses her arms, frowning at him.

"Castle." he ignores her, continues pacing. "Castle!" he turns, somewhat startled. "How old were you when you had Alexis?"

"I- that's not-"

"Not the point? The hell it's not the point. You can't judge Alexis on a mistake you yourself made at the same age. That's not fair."

"We weren't the same age! I wasn't in the last year of college, I wasn't-"

"Castle, the chances of her actually _being_ pregnant are slim. Stop panicking."

She wraps an arm around his bicep, pulls him back towards her and let's her other hand slide up his back and his shoulder. He breathes against her shoulder, his solid weight against her. " I just- I don't want her to throw her life away. I don't want her to end up like me, being absolutely terrified at the thought of being responsible for this tiny person. I was, jeez, I was _terrified_, Kate."

"And Alexis is not you. And she's not Meredith. She is a strong independent woman who takes up any challenge that is thrown her way. And if she is pregnant and she keeps the baby then she is going to be a wonderful mother, okay? And we're going to spoil our grandkid rotten."

His breath hitches again, and he somehow makes himself move closer to her. "Our grandkid."

"Yes."

"_Ours_."

"Castle?"

"You count as Alexis as your own. Your own daughter. You-" he groans. "She's lucky to have you. We both are."

"I'm lucky to have the both of you."

"I thought it was you. When I first saw it, I thought... I was..."

"I know. I know. I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?"

"Because you want it. More kids. Bigger family. I could see it, when you looked in the bag. You looked... so ridiculously hopeful."

"If you don't-"

"What, Castle... Castle, when have I ever given you the impression that I didn't want that? When did I ever say I didn't want a family?"

"I-I don't know, I just- I didn't think you-"

"If you say that you thought I didn't want that with you I'm going to twist your ear."

"Kate-"

"No, Castle, shut up. Four years. Four years I have been here, and if you honestly don't think you're my one and done then you clearly don't know me as well as I thought you did."

He lifts his head, pushes his lips against hers in a kiss that's almost bruising and leaves her gasping for breath. Her hands are fists in his shirt, can feel his own pants for breath against her neck. She runs a hand through his hair, enjoying the feel of it against her skin. "I need to go see Alexis." she murmurs into his ear, but she's unwilling to move. "You can get me pregnant later." he growls into her shoulder, and it makes her almost change her mind about Alexis. She could wait half an hour. An hour. Possibly two. But no, Alexis can't wait. Baby making can. "But Castle, one condition."

"I'd buy you a Blue Whale if it meant getting you pregnant."

"No, if anything I'd want an elephant. But that's not it."

"What?"

"You've got to marry me first."

* * *

She tries to sort her hair out on the way upstairs. She hadn't planned on Castle pinning her to the wall for two solid minutes while his hands and mouth made short work of turning her legs to jelly. She had to keep chanting Alexis over and over in her head, because otherwise she was going to let herself get suitably distracted. The red head is sat at her desk, eyes on a text book as Kate slips into the room. "Hey, Alexis."

Alexis looks up, tries to smile and fails. "Dad found out. I heard him."

"He man handled the bag out of me." Kate replies, wrinkling her nose. "He's okay. Freaked a little, but he's okay."

"He thought it was for you."

"Yeah, yeah he did. But I couldn't lie to him."

"No, I know. It's fine. I wouldn't expect you to. I..." she sighed, tucking an errant strand of hair behind her ear. "What happened?"

"I think I just agreed to have his kids on the proviso that he married me first." Kate said, barely containing her smile. "Or something like that."

Alexis squealed, jumping up from her chair and flinging her arms around Kate. "It's about time. I thought he'd ask like two years ago."

"He still hasn't asked. He's not got a ring."

Alexis smirked. "You do realise he's had a ring hidden away for the past two and a half years, right?"

"He's-" Kate groaned, pressing the palm of her hand against her forehead. "Two and a half years and he never asked. That's so... not Castle. But anyway, that's for later." she handed Alexis the slim cardboard box. "Bathroom."

"What do I tell Adam?" Alexis asks, as the two if them sit with their backs to the wall, staring at the bathroom counter. "Do I even tell him this?"

"That's up to you. Do you think he'd want to know?"

"I... I don't know. We've never talked about kids or the future, and I don't want to freak him out. I don't know where we're going exactly, but I like him. A lot, and..."

"What does your heart tell you?"

Alexis laughs. "Dad hates you for quoting Lord of the Rings all the time."

"Mhm. Which is why I keep doing it. But you don't need to tell him straight away, if you do."

"Kate..."

"Yeah?"

"Just how many times have you thought you were pregnant?"

"Less times than I deserve." Kate huffs.

"Did you ever tell them?"

"Only one. But that's only because he found out."

"Who was that?"

Kate pulls her lip between her teeth, working it slightly. "It was Josh."

"Doctor Motorcycle Boy? Did dad find out?"

Kate shook her head, stretching her legs out. "And he's not going to find out."

"Your secret's safe with me." Alexis smiled, leaning against Kate's shoulder. "Your kids are gonna be a handful."

"Yeah, yeah they are. Would you rather a sister or a brother?"

"I think Dad would want a boy. He's fed up of being ganged up on. I wouldn't mind a brother though. Or a sister. I honestly don't mind. I'm happy with whatever addition to the family we get. Dad's going to be insufferable, you do know that, right?"

"Yeah, yeah I do. But I'm the pregnant one and he's going to do everything I want him to. If I'm having his kid, I'm taking him for all he's got." Kate nudges Alexis's leg with her own. "It's probably ready."

Alexis takes a deep breath and stands up. Kate can see her hands shaking, lifts her own hand up to grab Alexis's. "Listen, Alexis. If the worse comes to the worst, and even if Adam wants nothing to do with it, your dad and me, we're here. Whatever. Okay? You've got us."

"It's negative." Alexis breaths, and Kate feels the relief radiating off her. "It's negative. I'm not."

Kate stands up, squeezes Alexis in a tight hug. "See? Nothing to worry about."

"I was just… I was…"

"You were scared. It's natural. It's probably just the stress of college. Just… take it easy, okay?"

"What, with Adam or with college?" Alexis grins, is already wrapping the test in toilet paper and dropping it in the trash can.

Kate laughs. "Maybe both. You feeling okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm okay. Thanks Kate."

"Anytime. You know that."

* * *

He's sprawled out on the sofa when Kate comes back downstairs. His laptop is in his lap, a word document open with a few paragraphs visible, but he's not paying any attention to it. Instead he's got his eyes tuned to the TV. Anything to put off writing. She leans over the back of the sofa and takes hold of the laptop setting it down on the table. She doesn't hesitate in sliding over the back of the sofa, practically sitting on his legs. He lifts his head to look at her, his eyes questioning. "Well?"

"In the clear. We're fine."

He drops his head back against the sofa cushion, relief flooding through him. "But why did she-"

"She's just stressed at college. It happens. _And_ she's a grown woman, and whether you like it or not, she's going to start making her own life. She already has done."

"I know, I know. I'm just being dramatic. It's just… she's my little girl and she doesn't even live at home, and she's got a steady boyfriend and she's having pregnancy scares, and I'm just… not used to it."

"It's understandable, Castle. Honestly." She moved so she could slip a knee in between his thighs, leant over him until she could get her hands either side of his head, her hair falling against him and tickling his neck. "And maybe, one day, you'll have another little girl. And you can spoil her rotten, and for eighteen years you can freak out about boyfriends and parties."

"Gotta marry you first."

Kate dropped to her elbows, her breath ghosting over his jaw. "Apparently you already have a ring."

"How do you- that's a secret."

"Alexis told me."

He reached up to glide his thumb over the sharp curve of her cheekbone before ghosting it up and down the soft skin in front of her ear. "I was… waiting."

"Castle…"

"Yeah?"

"Go and get it." He jerks up underneath her, his hips slamming into her pelvis. Kate groans, pressing her forehead into the side of his temple. "Castle."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes. Go and get the ring." She bites down on his earlobe and he swears, his hands at her hips, squeezing hard enough to leave bruises.

"Kate-"

"Marry me, Castle."


End file.
